“If The Shoe Fits”- Feedback?

This shortened Americanized version of the old English saying “if the cap fits, wear it”, usually refers to a negative or insulting description or criticism that people would rather not hear nor believe about themselves. A pejorative remark normally does not evoke a feeling of self-empowerment or self-esteem in the targeted listener. But seen from a different perspective of self-reflection it could also prove to be a powerful tool of feedback.

I am referring to the kind of constructive human feedback which does not anonymously hide from the social responsibility to empower the other and which does not take delight in the widespread mobbing, bullying, and defamings of today’s open net platforms. Constructive feedback in the form of an open dialogue where both sets of eyes can see the face of the other which utters the words potentially so beneficial in every area of business, personal, emotional, physical, and spiritual transformation.

My initial exposure to personal feedback came over ten years ago from my fourth daughter I nickname The Squirrel. LinkedIn has me listed as an entrepreneur but I have lived the biggest part of my life as a devoted, dedicated, and dependable stay-at-home mom. I was just thirty years old and managed six internationally raised trilingual children. Much has transpired on my evolutional trajectory as an unpaid stay-at-home mom to a novice business entrepreneur. But one thing remained the same; the fact that personal family feedback is tough to take. Because even if adult offspring try to buffer the blast of criticism with a half teaspoon of personal praise, it still tastes to me like the dreaded dark spoonful of cod liver oil my mother of twelve commanded us dozen to stand in line and one, after the other, to imbibe before our wintery walk to elementary school. An abominable assault upon the selective memory of childhood and yet I cannot recall any of us being taken to the doctor’s office very often.

An example of The Squirrel’s soft feedback style: “ Mom, just because YOU were not born with any natural inner boundaries, doesn’t mean that YOU are entitled to come too close and even unwittingly step beyond the inner boundaries of others.”

Please compare The Squirell’s soft feedback to the tough-love business feedback from my oldest son, I nickname FatBear.( I readily give out nicknames and each has a story, but as FatBear would rant- Stay focused!)“Okay Mom, are you again playing the victim role in your own smothering, self-sabotaging self-pity play?” Yes, you are correct in assuming that he and I had many altercations as these initial derogatory self-esteem depleting directives did not meet with eager ears nor an open heart. It took literally seasons upon seasons of emotional upheavals and painfully learned self-reflection before I could surrender to my son's beneficial business feedback. The FatBear often threatened to give up on me during those desolate years when I lived in sunny Florida so very far away from my children and grandchildren’s lives. My motherhood mindset had to be literally carved out of my head and shed like the fourth skin of a snake and indeed, this process was more painful than 17 hours of labor at The Squirrel’s birth. I just couldn’t understand then, where this son of mine was coming from. It felt like his seemingly saline suggestions and perpetrating perspectives served to sever our mother-son bond with Samurai swiftness. Perhaps there are other full–time mothers here on Medium who can relate toward being helpless at the onset of embarking upon the path of self-reinvention because the brain’s cognitive deep-seated wiring to the ever reigning neural pathways of emotional and intuitive collaborations with the heart are synaptically so strong from birth that it takes time to rewire. After decades of motherhood, it is really difficult to develop a mindset of a neutral entrepreneur….which I still am not and profess never to be. I have too much trust in my heart and intuition to even attempt at placing them under house arrest. I hear FatBear’s reprimand;” Wrap it up, Mom!”

Dialogue feedback is a gift. We might not be ready nor willing at first because our brain’s primordial limbic system is trying to “protect” us and to keep us securely ensconced into our comfort zone. Given the generous feedback of my adult children and melding it together with my own perspective feels truly like a cognitive liberation from disempowering mindsets, ill-constructed habits, and the overriding residual resignation toward inner inertia. So though my intention is not to reinvent the wheel here, it is the honest rendering of my personal journey of reinventing myself from my devoted vocation of the past to my passionate vocation of the present using the positive feedback of my adult children.

Here is a brief list of the family feedback which I try to incorporate into my new business mindset.

1. Leave “Home” at home.
2. Focus is most vital. Consistency is second.
3. Do the tough tasks the first thing in the morning.
4. Customer service rules.
5. The separation between personal and business mindsets is mandatory.
6. Listening is key.
7. Self-confidence guides through the juggle of competition.

Thanks to all of you who not only generously take the time to read my first written contribution to this inspiring platform but for those who also wager to offer a welcomed comment leaving me your friendly feedback to ponder. Be blessed!